Selfishness has been the downfall of America

And a few ways I think we can build community to combat it

Photo by Sebastian Dumitru on Unsplash

I’m sure someone much smarter than me can explain how we got to this moment in time where our country is so incredibly divided, where billionaires who want to load their pockets are in charge, and where we’ve lost our common humanity. I have no doubt there is a thread we could follow to see how we got here, but from my viewpoint, one of the things we’ve been dealing with has been selfishness.

At some point in our history, we stopped caring about our neighbors. We stopped connecting, we stopped listening, and we stopped worrying about them. I know that I sit in a privileged position as an upper middle class white woman so it’s easy for me to say to care what happens to the person next to you. But, caring for others doesn’t mean there is less for ourselves, and I think that’s where we’re going wrong.

A rising tide lifts all boats. - John F. Kennedy

Something I think about so often is how beautiful of a legacy Elon Musk could’ve left in this world. To take a fraction of his worth and invested it in feeding the hungry, building public libraries and houses for the unhoused, funding research to save lives, he would’ve been lauded as one of the most generous, incredible men to have lived. And instead, he continues to take for himself while not caring what happens to others.

He isn’t the only one. The handful of billionaires in this country could radically change the livelihood of those less fortunate (all of us) with little to no effect on their own wealth. And yet, they don’t.

And it’s not just the billionaires. It’s all of us. Because a policy or piece of legislation isn’t going to directly impact us, we turn our heads away. Too many of us don’t care about the trans child being beaten just for existing, because we’re not trans. Too many of us don’t care that a child who relies on Medicare may not get those benefits anymore, because we’re not on Medicare. Too many of us don’t care about those losing their jobs, because we haven’t lost ours. Too many of us don’t care about the family next door going hungry, because we have plenty of food. Too many of us aren’t worried about climate change, because we’ll be long gone by the time it gets really bad. Too many of us don’t care about gun rights, because our school has never dealt with a school shooting. Too many of us don’t care about reproductive rights of women, because we’d never get an abortion ourselves.

When did it become this way? When did we stop caring about the suffering of our neighbors?

As a meme I recently saw said:

I want to see America as a beautiful, powerful country. I want America to be great. But I want it to be great in the ways of proving just how much we care about one another. I want us to care about childcare access and healthcare for all, I want us to give new parents time away with their new baby without a threat of retribution, I want those who are LGBTQ+ to never have to worry about being “out”, I want us to come together when our neighbors are in need and help them get through in the best way we know how so that they can do what they need to do.

I want us to give a damn.

I’ve been trying to think of the best ways that we come back together, and I think it has to start small, with each of us individually.

We have to build community with those around us - Create a book club with those in your area, find others whose values align and become politically active or run for office together, create a food chain when someone is suffering in your area, raise funds for a family in need. And one of the easiest things? Just check in with one another. A simple “how are you?” text can go a really long way to making others feel seen. There is so much we can do to connect with people who are right in our area, and so often we just let those connections pass us by.

Listen to the stories of your neighbors (and share your own) - Recently a friend of mine posted on Facebook about what the effects of Medicare would be on her son who relies on it. Putting a face to what is happening is one of the best things you can do. We all know someone who will be affected by various Trump policies (I’m personally thinking of those I know and love who are LGBTQ+ and are scared), and when we’re able to not only hear the personal stories of who will be affected but also share our own stories, it makes coming together that much more powerful.

Find someone who you can deeply talk to - I know it seems like everyone has an opinion right now (including me), but who can you deeply talk to about the things that keep you up at night, or about the news that has just come out of Washington, or about other things that mean something to you? In the past couple weeks I’ve developed a texting/voice note relationship with a Canadian friend (hi, Suse!) and we’ve been talking through the news with one another both from her vantage point, and from mine. And it’s been deeply satisfying to have someone I can talk to about all of this.

Join a local branch of an online group - There are so many groups out there who are doing incredible work and that have branches throughout the country. Indivisible is the first one I think of. They have developed such an incredible groundswell movement that is making real change, and they’re doing it by bringing us together in community. I had the privilege of working with Indivisible during the election and I can tell you that every single person on that team wants to build a coalition to do the work together. Plus, when you come together over a shared value, it’s that much easier to build a deeper connection.

Find a safe space online - As a blue dot in a very red area, I know how hard it can be to find like-minded people in your area (though I’m so grateful to have found so many friends here!). So find an online group to be a part of where you can feel safe, and understood. Connect with people there. Share your stories and listen to theirs. Find out how you can help when they’re struggling. Check in with one another. Be in it together, no matter what it is.

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I would really like to hear from you in the comments. Has selfishness been our downfall? How do we combat it? What other ways can we join together in community? I think we need as many ideas as we can get.

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